There might be a cultural cringe in Australia, but we still know how to identify ourselves. There are certain distinctly Australian traits that we can always rely on, stereotypes that we can always fall back on – the things that make us bloody Australian.

Except… Most of them aren't really Australian at all.

Barbecue masters

How Australian is a backyard barbie? You get together with your friends, the girls inevitably seem to make the salads, the guys inevitably seem to hog the grill and argue over the best way to use it, and you've got yourself a 100 per cent Aussie party. Except, it's not that Aussie. Go to Texas and you'll find a proper obsession with barbecues. Or hang out in a backyard in Brazil or Argentina and see how serious they are about grilling meats. The roles are even the same – men hog the tongs, while women make the salads. We can't claim ownership of the barbecue.

World travellers

Another trait Australians are proud of is our tendency to travel the world and pop up in all sorts of strange, far-flung places. You can always rely on finding an Aussie, wherever you go. But the thing about those far-flung places is that you'll usually find there's a Kiwi there too. And probably a couple of German backpackers. Maybe a Swede or two. Or a Dutch couple. Australians do travel an enormous amount, but so do a lot of citizens from other countries.

Bogans

Since their championing by the likes of Kath and Kim, Big Brother and the NRL, Australians have become proud of our bogans. They're just another flannel-clad part of our rich cultural tapestry. But once you travel around a bit you realise that most countries have their own versions of bogans, whether they're chavs in Britain, rednecks in the US or "flaites" in Chile. What might set us apart, however, is bogan pride.

Sports obsessives

Australia is definitely a sports-mad nation, but we're not the only ones. Go to Argentina and see how long it takes for someone to bring up the topic of football. See a bunch of high school kids play basketball in the US and tell me that isn't a country obsessed. Talk about netball to a New Zealander. Play a game of badminton in Laos. Go to see boxing in the Philippines. Watch men in masks and leotards wrestle in Mexico. Now that's madness.

Boozehounds

The stereotype of the boozed up Aussie has spread worldwide, with even Brits starting to look down their nose at our rampant drunkenness. However, according to a WHO report released this year, we've barely taken a sip of our first schooner by the time other countries have collapsed on the bar. Belarusians consume 17.5 litres of raw alcohol a year. Moldovans chug 16.8 litres. Czechs nail 13 litres a year. And Australia is down at a lowly 20th place, consuming 12.2 litres a year. But hey, at least we beat Ireland.

Meat pie inventors

There's nothing more Aussie than a dog's eye with a squirt of dead horse. We're pretty much pioneers of filling pastry with meat and baking it. Except, of course, we're not. Indians have samosas (not quite as meaty, but still the same idea). Bolivians have saltenas. English people have… well, pies. Argentines have empanadas. In the Middle East they have fatayer. All they'd need to add is beer and cricket and they'd have the thing perfected.

Pioneers of mateship

Not sure who decided we could patent the notion of having friends, but when you travel you realise that many other countries seem to have perfected this idea of close acquaintances as well. It seems pointless to attempt to run through a list of them – let's just say that having mates is not an exclusively Australian thing.

Makers of the nanny state

It mightn't be something to be particularly proud of, but Australia is a ridiculous nanny state – a place where there seem to be so many rules and regulations that it would be easier to tell people what they can do rather than run through the list of things they can't. Which country could possibly match our nanny-stateism? How about Singapore, where chewing gum, spitting and even failing to flush the toilet are offences punishable with fines? That's almost as bad as jaywalking.

Speakers of the phrase, "Yeah… nup"

This is a quirk of language that I'd always thought was distinctly Australian: answering a question with the words "yeah… nup". It's a way of saying, "I might agree with that… but I don't". Anyway, in South America recently I noticed a lot of Spanish speakers who, when hoping for agreement, would ask the question, "Si, no?" Or, "Yes, no?" Which makes about as much sense as yeah nup.

Larrikins

Is Australia really a country of larrikins? Are we all laid back, mischievous and irreverent? Or are we actually a nation of obedient worker ants kept happy by home renovation shows and a balanced budget? Whatever the answer, there are countries with far more laidback funny people that we have. Try Ireland, or Scotland, or Mexico, or even Brazil. They've got us covered.

What do you think are theere Australian traits that aren't really Australian?

Email: b.groundwater@fairfaxmedia.com.au

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