‘Delad glädje, dubbel glädje: delad sorg, halv sorg.’
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Oh, you don’t speak Swedish? Not to worry, neither do I. This proverb literally means - “Shared happiness, happiness doubled; shared sadness, sadness halved.” It’s about how sharing your happiness verbally with friends makes it so much more special; and sharing your sadness makes it much less painful.
But there’s a caveat. When you share your good news, an increase in your joy isn’t guaranteed. The friend, relative or partner who hears your good news has an important part to play for this to happen. Ideally, we need them to respond in what the researchers call an “active-constructive” style (eg. “Great!!” or “I’m proud of you” or “I’m so happy for you”) - they must share your happiness for the benefits to flow. If they remain entirely unmoved and respond in what researchers call an “active-destructive” style (eg. “So what!” or “Anyone could have done that easily!”) then a particular hurt can come to the sharer and happiness is reduced.
Similarly if we share some sadness or anxiety with a friend and we don’t meet with an empathetic or sympathetic response then our sadness or anxiety can be increased rather than reduced.
What scientists don’t know is why, when it is enthusiastically received, sharing our good news provides us with an extra dose of positive emotion, more than merely recalling it or writing about it. Perhaps talking about a positive experience could increase its “social reality”, making it especially accessible to memory; friends may point out positive implications of our news that had so far escaped us; and/or we perhaps take extra joy in making another person happy through our good news.
Similarly with sad news others may alleviate our sadness or anxiety by pointing out some more positive aspects which we had not considered or by lessening the imagined seriousness of possible outcomes. I must warn those who have not had a bad sharing experience – be careful with whom you share your sad or anxious feelings – only share these with those whom you trust.
What this means is that we all have a very special part to play in helping our friends to be more positive and happy with their lot and the message to each of us is clear - the next time something good happens to you, don’t keep it to yourself. To quote an anonymous author: “Happiness is the seed; happiness shared is the flower.”