Mr Nay told the Prime Minister he wasn't a partisan, political guy. As a gay man, he had always supported same-sex marriage. But in St Vincent's, struggling to comprehend the reality of cancer, he realised his demand for equality was "more profound and now more crucial".

"For​ ​too​ ​long​ ​the​ ​rights​ ​of​ ​people​ ​like​ ​me​ ​have​ ​been​ ​juggled​ ​in​ ​what​ ​is a​ ​pathetic,​ ​political​ ​circus," Mr Nay wrote in a letter posted on Medium. "Your​ ​predecessor​ ​connived​ ​the​ ​idea​ ​of having​ ​a​ ​harmful​ ​plebiscite​ ​with​ ​the​ ​sole​ ​goal​ ​of​ ​delaying​ ​the​ ​inevitable.​ ​​Now,​ ​with​ ​you,​ ​[Bill] ​Shorten​ ​and the​ ​majority​ ​of​ ​the​ ​Parliament​ ​in​ ​support​ ​of​ ​marriage​ ​equality​, ​you​ ​are​ ​authorising​ ​an​ ​archaic​ ​opinion​ ​poll intended​ ​for​ ​the​ ​'yes'​ ​vote​ ​to​ ​fail.​"

The voluntary survey being prepared by the Australian Bureau of Statistics was "nothing but a farce", he wrote. But he was also resolute. "​If​ ​the​ ​postal​ ​vote​ ​does​ ​go​ ​ahead,​ ​it​ ​will​ ​not​ ​fail. We​ ​will​ ​not​ ​fail​ ​but​ ​I​ ​will not​ ​be​ ​able​ ​to​ ​say​ ​the​ ​same​ ​about​ ​you​ ​in​ ​your​ ​role​ ​as​ ​our​ ​nation's​ ​leader."

In recent days, highly offensive and incorrect material about gay people has been posted in public places, imploring Australians to vote "no". Mr Turnbull condemned the "disrespectful" material, but – with the postal survey facing a High Court challenge – Mr Nay reminded the PM it was not too late to cancel the process entirely.

"​It's​ ​time​ ​for​ ​marriage​ ​equality​ ​without​ ​a​ ​postal​ ​vote​ ​and​ ​the​ ​hate campaign​ ​that​ ​it​ ​has​ ​already​ ​instigated," he wrote. "Let​ ​me​ ​and​ ​others​ ​respect​ ​you​ ​again​ ​by​ ​taking​ ​action.​ ​​Let​ ​the​ ​country​ ​catch​ ​up​ ​the​ ​ground​ ​it​ ​has​ ​let​ ​slip on ​similar​-minded​ ​nations.​ Let​ ​me​ ​expend​ ​my​ ​energy​ ​on​ ​the​ ​important​ ​fight​ ​of​ ​beating​ ​cancer​ ​rather​ ​than dealing​ ​with​ ​hurtful​ ​comments​ ​from​ ​those​ ​who​ ​cannot​ ​fathom​ ​the​ ​preposterous​ ​idea​ ​of​ ​people​ ​like​ ​me simply​ ​being​ ​equal."

Mr Nay lives in Tony Abbott's northern beaches electorate of Warringah and met his partner Miguel Luciano in Manly shortly before Christmas 2015. Mr Luciano, a 28-year-old nurse working in the US, was on vacation and said Mr Nay "decided to be my personal tour guide around Sydney". It took only two weeks together for Mr Luciano to decide to move to Australia – a process that was still underway when Mr Nay's shock diagnosis came through last week.

Mr Luciano immediately left his workplace in the US state of Georgia and flew to Sydney, cancelling a planned trip to South America. "I just knew with such a hard diagnosis I had to be with him," he told Fairfax Media on Wednesday. "There was no doubt about it. There was no distance that was going to separate us at that time."

Many of the arguments about same-sex marriage Mr Luciano sees in Australia were aired in the US years ago, he says, but now they are largely forgotten and the country has not fallen apart. "From my perspective, there has been an opening of more acceptance," he says.

Mr Nay says he used to be "quite proud" to be Australian, but these days he is disappointed the country lags behind. He was "hopeful and optimistic" when Mr Turnbull ousted Mr Abbott, but now he has been bruised by that too. "He has shown an unwillingness to stand up for his personal beliefs," he says.

r Nay is on chemotherapy and doctors have assured him he has good prospects of living a normal life. But "when you hear news that you've got leukemia, everything gets put into perspective", he told Fairfax Media.

"It made me more determined to fight for marriage equality, because I've got enough on my plate now as it is without having to worry about people judging or having their say about the validity of my relationship when they've got no place to do so.

"It also makes me appreciate the important things in your life. And for me nothing comes above my relationship with Miguel."