My late husband had a legendary memory. I don’t and have always written notes to myself about anything I want to remember – such as birthdays (in my diary), shopping lists, the order of things to do during the day or things to take with me when I am going away – but not my late husband. He just remembered it all! He also found it difficult to believe that I couldn’t remember these things and yet still managed to survive.
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When the dear man got older – around 85 – he started forgetting the odd purchase at the supermarket – say one item out of ten, he needed reminding about some appointments (which he never wrote down) and he occasionally forgot the name of an acquaintance. He was greatly dismayed and had no coping mechanisms such as note writing or mnemonics to help him to remember or easy well-practiced apologies for not remembering a name. He was at a loss, fearing that dementia was at the doorstep. Why he didn’t think that I had suffered from dementia for decades I don’t understand. Or maybe he did think it!
But memory is a tricky thing. How many of us have remembered something, such as a birthday of someone close, only to forget about it again until it is too late to call and wish them well? How many of you married couples have devised a system of letting each other know if you can’t remember the name of someone you meet?
I forgot my son’s birthday once and not only did he visit me that day but I wished someone else ‘Happy Birthday’ while he was there. I felt so bad later when I realised. It was horrible – the agony of it set into my belly and I wanted to cut my throat with the kitchen knife and send him a blood sacrifice. There was nothing – just nothing - I could do but say that I was sorry. I guess he knew his mother had always been forgetful and I know he has forgiven me.
Now that I am getting older I do forget a few more things – especially the names of people. I do really remember the names and the faces but have a really hard time putting them together. And don’t ask me to remember your name if I am selling you a raffle ticket – this is guaranteed to make me unable to remember.
I recently looked up ‘dementia’ to see if I was ‘on the way’, but was pleasantly surprised to read that my memory loss is quite normal for my age. Alzheimer’s is the most common form of dementia and I found a great checklist for it at this website:
http://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/guide/alzheimers-or-forgetful
I have asked my friends and family if they are worried by my memory at all. My son said, “no more than usual Mum” – so I knew I was not spiralling rapidly downward in that department. I will ask my doctor what he thinks next time I see him. If you are worried about your memory, check that website, ask your friends and ask your doctor. Nine times out of ten, things will be absolutely normal and you can stop worrying. And, if perchance, you do have early Alzheimer’s, I have read that there are many ways that someone with dementia can be helped to cope with their problems and improve their quality of life. Treatment is improving all the time and in some cases, it may be possible to slow the progress of dementia, and researchers around the world are constantly working to develop more effective treatments for dementia, and eventually to find a cure.
